With Me Tonight
by marycatherine4036
Summary: RS fluff eventually. First fanfic. Will play off 18th Floor Balcony by Blue October.
1. Chapter 1

My heart rate picks up as the elevator begins its ascent. I can feel my pulse begin to pound in my neck.

It smells like piss in here. And apparently Joey has a big dick, or so the wall tells me. Joey probably wrote that himself.

I'm parked on the top floor of the God forsaken parking deck. I dig my keys out of my bag and palm my pepper spray keychain as I continue my slow climb up to the seventh floor. If I could have parked on any other floor this would have been fine; I would have had no need for this fear. But the seventh floor is open – no roof – so the elevator opens to a tiny dark room right out of a horror movie. Every time I have to park up here, I wait for Jason to be standing there when the doors creak open.

On second thought, maybe I should dig out my umbrella too. Sixth floor gone, I grip my pink polka dotted umbrella in my right hand testing its weight. It wouldn't inflict too much damage, but it would startle. Maybe give me enough time to get away should I need to. The elevator begins to slow. I soften my knees and drop into a slight crouch; my umbrella wielded in my right hand like a baseball bat, my pepper spray at the ready in my left – finger on the trigger.

The elevator shutters to a stop – the light no longer streaming in through the gap between the door and the wall. The doors begin to creak open, so I take one last deep breath and try to calm my pounding heart. The doors open to reveal a big dark man clad in a suit looking extra delicious glancing at his watch. He looks up and his eyes widen a fraction while he takes in the sight of me in my fighting stance wielding an umbrella as a deadly weapon. I drop my arms as he throws back his head and laughs.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter. Your encouragement is greatly appreciated. I know the last chapter was short; I'm hoping the chapters will be longer from now on.

It's been a long week. I press my foot a little harder on the gas, testing the vehicle beneath me. Actually it's been a long month. Though, if I were to be completely honest with myself, it's been a long life, a long existence. A long, long life and I'm so fucking tired. Some days I'm surprised that I can even get out of bed. I've worked so hard for so long, and for what? What do I actually have to show for it? Not a damn thing. I don't know why I do it anymore. All I know is that I am weary; bone weary. Body, mind, and soul, though I doubt I have one of those anymore.

I have seen and done things that no human being should ever have to experience. I have lied, cheated, stolen, and coveted what is not mine. God do I ever want what is not mine. It is all that I can think about. She is all that I can think about. The one thing – the one person – the keeps me going. The reason I come back from these God forsaken missions. Especially this last mission; it will be a while before the nightmares end. I wasn't supposed to make it back alive.

I can think of only one reason that I did.

Her.

The thought of her was the one thing that got me out alive.

So now, as always, my thoughts are centered, no, consumed with her. How beautiful she is; how sweet and innocent and caring. How nothing can keep her down for too long. How she doesn't, or didn't rather, put up with my bullshit.

I haven't seen her for months.

And all I can think about is her. Her and the lies I told her, the times I cheated her, what I stole from her, and how I have wanted her, though she was never mine.

She could have been. In a heartbeat. Those who know her make it a point to tell me this often. I could have had her at any time. And it would have been as easy as breathing, because we belong together.

But I can't do it.

I focus on all the ways I have wronged her and my heart hurts and I don't know how I can ever make it up to her. Does she even want me to?

This last mission lasted 8 months; I've been in solitary confinement since its completion two months ago. I finally make it back to her, and I'm told that she's gone. I fucked up one too many times and she left. No one knows where to find her. If they do, they certainly aren't telling me where she is. I don't blame them. I don't want to hurt her anymore either.

I down shift as I pull into the worst parking deck in existence; attempting in vain to quiet the thoughts in my head. I hate this fucking parking deck. I hate this building. I hate this account. But being a friend of the family, I must cater to them. I try not to do anything stupid, and anything that would cause me to get a phone call, or worse, a visit from my mother would definitely be stupid. So I will meet with the client, and try to protect their measly belongings in their out of date office in this unmaintained building.

I heave my body out of the car, and reach back in for my briefcase. Of course there were no open parking spaces except on the top floor. Where's my parking karma now, babe? I want to smile at the thought, but my face doesn't seem to remember how.

I make my way over to the elevator. If Steph could only see me now she'd have a heart attack. Batman taking the elevator?! But my body is just too tired. I can't make myself walk down seven flights of stairs. I don't know that I'd make it.

I glance at my watch while I wait for the elevator. I'm about 20 minutes early. The doors open. I look up and my heart stops. It's my angel. My babe. My love. I was beginning to believe I would never see her again. My thoughts race as I take in her beautiful face. Then I realize what she is doing and I can't help but throw back my head and laugh. Mere seconds from being reunited with my babe and suddenly I remember how to laugh. My body is lighter, my heart fuller; I can't believe she's standing here in front of me.

She straightens out of that ridiculous crouch and a scowl forms on her perfect face. She crams her umbrella back in her bag and shoves roughly past me. I turn to follow her as she stomps over to her car.

"I don't appreciate being laughed at, asshole."

She turns back to look at me one more time as she gets in her car. She rolls her eyes as she peels off.

My babe is back. Maybe there is hope for me after all. And maybe I can tackle those stairs after all.


	3. Chapter 3

He's back.

And I'm numb.

Or at least, I was numb.

Thoughts are flying through my head far too quickly for me to follow.

Where has he been? What is he doing back? How long will he be back? When will he leave again?

He looked good. Really good. As always. Good, but tired. I wonder why he's so tired?

NO. It's not my concern why he's tired or whether or not he's taking care of himself.

I manage to make it to my driveway before the tears start. The dull ache in my heart has started to throb. My door is pulled up and a hand touches my shoulder. I look up into concerned blue eyes.

"Are you ok?" he asks. I shake my head.

"Ok, well, let's get you inside." He pulls me from the car and leads me to the house. He helps me upstairs to the room, helps me change clothes, and tucks me into bed. He pulls me into his arms and holds me as the real breakdown starts.

I wake up a couple of hours later snuggled deep under the covers, alone, and my eyes ache. I'm so fucking tired of crying but the tears well up again as I relive the last day I saw him all those months ago.

His apartment smelled just like it always does, of leather, Bulgari, and Ranger. A heady combination if I ever smelled one. After a nice dinner of Ella's dinner, complete with dessert for me, we moved to the couch in the living room with our wine to watch a movie.

I was stretched out with my head in Ranger's lap, sneaking covert glances at his face. He was running his fingers through my hair, taking occasional sips of his wine. Mine sat abandoned on the coffee table.

I rolled over onto my back and looked up into his handsome face. It's not fair that this man is so attractive. I studied his chiseled features as I continued to struggle with these feelings I seem to have towards him. After the Scrog incident I realized I was in love with him. Two months ago I realized that I was so in love with him that my being with Morelli was starting to feel like I was cheating on Ranger. Morelli is the only person who knows how I feel about Ranger, which he was not happy about, but I plan to keep that information to myself. Telling Ranger how I feel will only fuck up what little relationship we have. It's killing me to be so close to him all the time; to have him touch me, kiss me, take care of me, and know that it doesn't mean the same thing to him as it does to me. It hurts to know that it doesn't, I don't, mean as much to him as he does to me.

Ranger notices my scrutiny and looks down at me with a slight smile on his face; that smile that is just for me. My heart is breaking. "What?" he asks.

"Nothing," I respond.

"Why are you staring at me?"

I take my eyes off his face and look around the room. I can't do this anymore. This could very well be my last night in the apartment. I thought I could, but I can't. I take in the couch we are sitting on, remembering the times we spent on it in the past, all of the close calls we've had. My eyes move to the chair across the room that Ranger likes to sit in when he's trying to be serious with me. Next is the entertainment center that to this day I can't figure out how to work on my own. Finally is the dining room where we have shared many meals; I even got him talking and opening up to me a few times at that table. I can't bear to look at the bedroom. Those precious few nights that we shared together will forever be burned in my memory as some of the best in my life.

I drag my eyes back to his to find him staring at me still. As much as I try to stop it, tears well up in my eyes. I blink furiously in an attempt to hide them, but of course he notices. He's Batman. He notices everything.

A blanket of concern covers his face as his sits me up and turns me to face him.

"Babe? What's wrong?"

He's so beautiful and it's killing me, but I can't make myself open my mouth. A single tear escapes and he wipes it away with his thumb.

"I can't fix it if I don't know what's wrong."

"You can't fix it, period." I can't seem to tear my eyes away from his.

"Will you at least let me try? Please?" His hand travels down my arm to grip mine. He rubs his thumb across the back of my hand, while his other is still caressing my cheek. I lean into his caress as he pulls me across his lap and presses a kiss to my forehead. I close my eyes and relish the feel of his lips on my skin.

"Talk to me, babe, please. Something has been bothering you for a while now and I have a feeling it's all coming to a head right now. I want to help," he whispers against my skin. He wraps his arms around me and I have never felt so safe.

"I love you," I blurt out. The atmosphere in the room changes almost as soon as the words leave my mouth and I instantly regret it.

I squeeze my eyes as tightly closed as I can get them and press on. I can't bear his scrutiny at this point, but I've come this far, I might as well continue.

"I love you, Ranger. I didn't mean to, but it happened. A long time ago, it happened, but lately it's been haunting me and I can't do this anymore."

His arms drop and I slid off of his lap to the other corner of the couch. He gets up and starts pacing the living room, looking very much like a caged lion. I don't think I have ever seen him so angry that when he zeroes in on me I shrink back into the couch, making myself as small as I can. His words are cold and lifeless as he starts speaking; his eyes are flat black. His blank face at its finest.

"I have told you time and again, Stephanie, that I can not do this with you. What we have now is all I can offer you. I have nothing else for you. Nothing," he spits out as he turns on his heel and goes into his bedroom.

I'm unable to stop the tears streaming down my face by the time he comes back out, duffle bag in hand, headed for the door.

He pauses with his hand on the knob.

"I'm sorry."

I almost didn't hear it over the door slamming behind him.

The next time I open my eyes, I'm back at home, in my own bed. Apparently I've fallen asleep and my dreams were consumed with the worst day of my life.

Well, tomorrow is a new day, I think to myself as I climb out of bed to head downstairs to find something to eat.


End file.
